When I was just seven years old, I asked myself a question that is quite profound at that age; “Is this all there is to life?” I never could quite figure out the meaning of being here on Earth, let alone how to be happy. Sadly, that sentiment remained for most of my adult years.
I always drank but considered myself a social drinker. My drinking career took off when I was in the Food & Beverage industry as a server, bartender, and later as an F&B Manager. I loved all things wine! The more expensive, the better! I became obsessed with wine, and soon the wine was obsessing me.
I told myself that I drank because I liked the taste, and I like the culture, and I really like Italy and Nappa Valley! (seriously) What I was doing was finding a way to escape life. I believed wine gave me the zest I was searching for, but instead it was bringing me down even lower.
My nightly ritual turned into at least three glasses every night. And let’s be real, shall we? Some of my pours were closer to 8 or 9 oz*, depending on the size of the glass. Can you relate?
(*standard serving size is 5 oz of wine)
Nobody knew just how much I was drinking, not even my husband! I truly believed I was drinking ‘like everyone else’ and that I was ‘fine’.
There it is, the F-word – FINE!
I knew my drinking was starting to detract from my goals. I realized that I was lying to myself and had finally reached my enough. I was tired of being tired, burnt out on the energy it took to hide my drinking, and keep up the facade that my life was normal.
I ackowleded I needed to do something but one thing was for sure…
I did not resonate with being an alcoholic, but I also knew that I wasn’t a ‘normal’ drinker either. Learning how to moderate is what I WANTED. I didn’t want to quit drinking. I wanted my wine, cake, and more wine. Why was I unable to control my consumption?
I had no “rock bottom” or any life-altering changes. The truth was I was living a double life between ‘normalcy’ and ‘ gray area drinking’.