Hi! I’m Kari Schwear
I’m a perpetual life-learner, a 7x career-path conqueror, speaker, author, coach, mom, and a happy wife to a super cool guy.
I’m also a former gray area drinker that used alcohol as a coping mechanism.
The Back Story – How I Became a Gray Area Drinker
My drinking career took off when I was in the Food & Beverage industry as a server, bartender, and later as an F&B Manager. I loved all things wine! The more expensive, the better. I became obsessed with wine, but soon the wine was obsessing me.
I told myself that I drank because I liked the taste, and I did, but what I didn’t realize then was that it was my way to escape the feeling of not being good enough. I had ZERO self-love.
What started off with just one glass, my nightly ritual turned into three glasses or more every night. And let’s be real, shall we? Some of my pours were closer to 8 or 9 oz*, depending on the size of the glass. Can you relate?
(*standard serving size is 5 oz of wine)
Nobody knew just how much I was drinking, not even my husband! I truly believed I was drinking ‘like everyone else’ and that I was ‘fine.’
I realized that I was lying to myself and had finally reached my enough. I was tired of being tired, burnt out on the energy it took to hide my drinking, and keep up the facade that my life was perfect because it wasn’t.
I acknowledged I needed to do something, but one thing was for sure…
I did not resonate with being an alcoholic, but I also knew that I wasn’t a ‘normal’ drinker either. Learning how to moderate is what I WANTED. I didn’t want to quit drinking. I wanted my wine, cake, and more wine. Why was I unable to control my consumption? DAMN IT!
I had no “rock bottom” or any life-altering changes. The truth was I was living a double life between ‘normalcy’ and ‘ gray area drinking’.
Gray area drinking
is the wide ambiguous area that exists between being a social drinker and someone that identifies as an alcoholic. A gray area drinker typically appears to be living a high functioning life. They can justify their drinking with many excuses such as: “I don’t drink during the day. I never get hangovers. I only drink on the weekend.” (also see the blog titled, What is Gray Area Drinking)
Once I arrived at my own personal “enough” and felt I had no other options, I went the traditional route. I got a sponsor, I attended meetings, and I read the big book. While I did gain some valuable insight and tools for my newly abstinent lifestyle, I didn’t feel comfortable identifying as an alcoholic. I was stuck in a place that I didn’t believe I fit in. Not because I was above it, but because I didn’t want to say things that I knew in my heart were not true.
I despised having to feel like I needed to identify with saying the words,
“Hi, I’m Kari and I’m an alcoholic."
For me, and so many others, this felt like a victim mentality that I was led to believe. It’s not how I wanted to write my destiny.
Saying something after “I AM” is so powerful and life-changing.
In this case, it was life-sucking. Why did I want to remain broken? I’d already been feeling broken my whole life and now this? No thank you!
A year later, I discovered the term ‘gray area drinking’. Finally, a place I recognized! A place I said, “yes, that was me!” No more shame. No more labels or feeling like I did something wrong.
What I gained far surpassed my understanding and overall happiness. Life still has challenges, of course, but I have the power to push through with perseverance and strength. I gained the much-needed tools through coaching and self-expansion exercises. This wasn’t a woo-woo magical approach, but deliberate intentional work. (okay, maybe a little woo here and there.)
I cracked the code to finding everything I had been searching for; joy, peace, balance, and true appreciation for life!
It is now my privilege to share this with you. You may ask, so what’s the secret?
I CHOSE MY OUTCOME AND NOW SO CAN YOU!
You are not broken. Or powerless. Or need to claim a label.
You are more powerful than you can imagine.
We ALL possess the power within us to see through, press through, and soar through.
You can’t change all things but the ones you can, you will.