I was thinking about how casually many people use the word decide. If you know anything about me, that word has tremendous weight.
To me, it represents a declaration of sorts. It’s a self proclaimed announcement in my book. Yet, I hear it being used something like:
- “I’ve decided I’m going to lose weight.”
- “I’ve decided I’m going to stop drinking.”
- “I’ve decided I’m going to start going to church again.”
- “I’ve decided I’m going to be more patient.”
- Have you ever noticed that we can say we’ve decided something… and then do the exact opposite twelve hours later? I have. More times than I’d like to admit.
Most of us haven’t actually made a decision. We’ve made a preference. A preference says…
“I’d like this… as long as it isn’t too uncomfortable.”
A decision says…
“This is who I’m becoming, even when it’s uncomfortable.”
There’s a huge difference!
When I questioned my relationship with alcohol, I had “decided” to quit a few times. You know, the usual “I’ll start Monday”, or “after vacation” talk that never lasted more than a few weeks.
But if I’m honest, none of those were decisions.
They were preferences.
I preferred the version of me that didn’t wake up ashamed. I preferred having more energy. I preferred being healthier.
But I still preferred comfort more.
That stings to admit. Then something shifted for me. The conversation inside my head changed from…
“I hope I can do this.”
to…
“I don’t live that way anymore.”
Nothing around me changed overnight. I still had the same house. The same stress. The same friends. The same routines. But something inside me finally became non-negotiable. That’s when change started sticking.
Not because life got easier. Because I stopped negotiating with myself. That’s the difference. If I can do it, so can you.
This Week’s Challenge
Think about one area of your life that’s been living in the gray.
Ask yourself one simple question:
Have I really made a decision… or have I just developed a preference?
Don’t judge your answer.
Just be honest. Honesty is where every lasting change begins!
This Week on Beyond the Gray
This week’s podcast is a two-part series that’s probably the most honest teaching I’ve shared so far.
In Part One, (Episode 23), I walk through why most changes don’t last and the three things that have to happen before real transformation can begin.
In Part Two, (Episode 24), I talk about what happens after you’ve made the decision. Because that’s where most people get stuck. We talk about identity, daily habits, and how to become the person who no longer needs to rely on the thing they’re trying to leave behind.
If you’ve ever wondered why you’ve started over more times than you can count, I think these episodes will answer that question. I share many stories and examples from my own life so you know you’re not alone.
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Moment of Reflection
Where in your life have you been calling something a decision… when it’s really been a preference?
There is a ton of freedom once you decide to make a change and take ownership. I encourage you to be uncomfortable, if you’re willing. That, my friend, is where decisions turn into declarations. How empowering!
Here’s to living beyond the gray,
Kari
P.S. If you’re finally ready to make that needed declaration, I’m here to guide you through it. It’s much easier to have a road map than blindly walking it alone. Use this link to schedule a call with me.
