When you are carrying the weight of worry, stress, fear and overwhelm, your life can be quite messy. How are you supposed to handle these times? If you are like most people, you were never taught the “how”.
Our brains are wired to be reactive in a fearful situation. It’s our fight or flight response. This is a good thing as we need to be reactive when our life is in danger. But in everyday living, this response tends to push us into coping with our difficulties instead of working through them.
So, why do we use coping aids?
In our busy lives, we can easily rely on dealing with our struggles with a glass of wine, a six-pack of beer, taking anti-anxiety medications, eating a bowl of ice cream or perhaps lighting up a joint. Whatever it is for you, it’s not fixing the real problem. It’s only covering it up.
One of my favorite books is Claim Your Power, by Mastin Kipp. In the book, he guides you through finding your purpose via a 40-day journey of self-discovery. He is a former addict and alcoholic. He is now a leading expert on trauma and helping thousands of people uncover their limiting beliefs. In his book, he explains the meaning of being stuck and why we use coping aids.
The chapter starts with this quote by Virginia Satir:
Problems are not the problem; coping is the problem.
I love this because it is what I teach as well. As a coach, it is imperative to understand what holds us back as humans. It is always a limiting belief, our emotions, the stories that we tell ourselves and, wait for it……our behaviors.
The problem is what is going on inside. It’s not the drugs, the booze, the sex, the food, the gambling, the self-sabotage, or whatever coping mechanism you choose to use. It’s the limiting beliefs, the perceptions, and the stories we are creating for ourselves.
No one is without something…
I say this because you may be, at this moment, thinking you are a failure, or you are not good enough. Here’s the truth, my friend; YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH! It’s not your fault. You weren’t taught how to process your overwhelm and struggles.
The reason I became a certified coach was to be able to help others find their true potential, their inner genius. This is work. It takes guts, perseverance, and a mountain of faith in addition to commitment, trust, and coachability.
Whatever it is that you are dealing with in your life, you are not alone. You are not broken nor powerless. You can learn how to deal with your stress and overwhelm in a healthy way. Life will always be full of difficulties. It’s how you choose to deal with them that matters.