It was the day that I had secretly been waiting for, yet couldn’t (and wouldn’t) consciously admit it to myself.
Call it a gut feeling, a whisper from God, or the numerous nudges from my husband and a few close friends.
The seeds that were planted were beginning to bloom. And for that, I’m so grateful.
The day I’m referring to was the day that I had “my enough”.
That day was July 5th, 2016.
How I quit drinking
Let me fill you in on the day that led up to this discovery. It was July 4th, a Monday. I was off that day like many others. Our friends invited us over for a day of chilling in their pool and barbequing on the grill.
It also involved a ton of alcohol.
I brought my large personal container of vodka and lemonade. When that ran out, I switched to beer, followed by wine with dinner, to downing countless shots of Tuaca. (an Italian brandy blend).
I was trashed.
I’m not one to swim, but I decided around 9 PM to go in their pool…with just my bra and underwear. I didn’t have a bathing suit to wear, and I didn’t care, nor did my friends.
The problem came when I got out of the pool with wet undergarments and needed to change. I’ll let you figure out how that went. I’ll just say my husband was disgusted with me.
Then we went home.
And it happened.
My son, Nathan, was in the kitchen and saw me stumble through the door. He made the comment, “Wow, Mom. You’re trashed!”
I replied back with things a mother should never say to their child. Things that involved a lot of F-bombs and slurred words of ugly talk. Things to this day I can’t help but shed tears as I relive that despicable night.
I didn’t recall any of this the next morning.
Am I drinking too much?
I went to work, severely hungover, of course, and went about my day. It was at the dinner table that Nathan repeated to me what I had said. He first asked if I remembered. I replied, “Not really.” As he began to reiterate the words in the tone in which I delivered it, I cried tears down my cheek, knowing that something needed to change.
I was devastated, to say the least.
Shame, guilt, embarrassment, disgust, and sadness took over me at that moment. I will NEVER forget the look on his face.
And I never want to forget.
It was the day I’d been waiting for…the reason I was secretly seeking. It wasn’t enough for me to want to examine my relationship with alcohol, I thought it had to be for someone or something else. After all, I’m a serious people pleaser.
I would later realize that THAT was the problem, and a whole lot more.
Although this was the jolt I desperately needed, I continued to drink for another 6 weeks before finally breaking up with alcohol. I had moved from the contemplation stage and into the preparation stage. I was getting closer.
It was exactly what needed to happen, and the beginning of deep work of self-development, self-realization, and self-expansion.
It’s been a journey, and one I’m so grateful for. It’s also the reason I’ve dedicated the past three years to helping others through the dark shades of gray and everything in between.
Are you Sober Curious?
Wherever you find yourself, (and maybe it’s not alcohol but something else), just know that the little voice whispering to you won’t stop. It’s there to help guide you to a better way.
And when you’re ready to take that step out of the dismal gray areas of life, I’m here to catch you.
You may not be able to see what’s in front of you, but I can. Lean on knowing that, and once you align with wanting something better for your life, everything will fall into place.
Thanks for reading.
I truly hope this blesses you.